appropriate days to visit bereaved family hindu

Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Relatives may wish to sit at the patients bedside, sing. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. During the initial communication with the family or familys representative, the details surrounding the funeral, burial and memorial service may be obtained. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Please accept my condolences for your loss. 3. Need Immediate Service? There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. form. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. After the shraddha ceremony, the family usually returns to work after 1-3 weeks. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. During the weeks and months of loneliness that follow, especially after the crowds disperse, the bereaved person might feel that the world is avoiding them. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. Thanks. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? 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Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. Your sister was a beautiful person. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. It's up to you. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. Ask for his/her input and a checklist of what needs to be decided and completed. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Take a look. is the best and appropriate choice. All Rights Reserved. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. Everyone in this community respected your father. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. All Rights Reserved. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. 10 () . Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Many people follow thirteen days of. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. 1. Share a toast. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. All rights reserved. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. For information about opting out, click here. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Your sister was a beautiful person. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. 9. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Be sensitive to the level of help your friend is asking for. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Wild boar hunters; Why few respond to Forest Dept notice, Facebook, Instagram launch AR effect featuring Kohli, Champions League: Juventus, Barca, Chelsea through to last 16, Damandeep Singh Soni: Rowing boAt in the challenging waters of marketing, Renault to launch compact SUV Kiger in Jan-Mar 2021, Entrepreneurship can be cultivated at any age, any time: Ankita Mallika Bansal, Opt for featherweight jeans to blend style and comfort, 'Jallikattu' India's Oscar entry for Best International Film, Jayasurya completes 100th movie in Malayalam cinema, Digital nomads! It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. 14. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. subject to our Terms of Use. During the ceremony, the last food is offered and flowers are arranged around the body. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. 4. Exchange stories about your loved one. Loss is hard. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. This link will open in a new window. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. I'm here for you." As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Here, the priest oversees every activity. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). This period usually lasts for 10 days. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Where would it be held? So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Eastern Orhtodox During the period before burial (three days after death), flowers may be sent to the funeral home. Passing such a negative remark is easy, just like watching cricket on TV and blaming a fielder for dropping a crucial catch the person criticising has no idea how hard it is to be out there performing. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. A photograph of the. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. They'll surely understand. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Your father was a wise man. Amen. people will avoid going to the deceased house. Food will be served following the ceremony. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. 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Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. You are using an out of date browser. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. This link will open in a new window. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after offering condolences. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service Everyone one of us was inspired simply by knowing Avindash. Atma is beyond space and time. Hare Krishna. They can wear open-toe shoes. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Usually, 6-8 people are asked. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Following their bathing, they will clean the house, as it is a Hindu belief that when someone dies, their home and its inhabitants are left unclean and impure. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? Other mourners are expected to stand. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Can you tell me what exactly happened? The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? Emily Post training and consultation services are available for groups, businesses and individuals. 2. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. You can also donate financially if you can. Hare Krishna. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. 13. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. advice. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. Where would she like the service to take place? Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. We are very sorry for your loss. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. (2020). It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. 4. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. Harper San Francisco. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. India Today Web Desk, I. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. of an actual attorney. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. Visitors are also welcome during this period. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. Is 'Leela' an appropriate tamil brahmin name for a baby girl ? May she rest in peace. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. The world of Emily Post etiquette advice is at your fingertips. 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